This weekend was a very long weekend. Don't get me wrong it was wonderful to get the chance to see some of my husbands family again that I haven't seen in years...try like ten years. Though I would have loved to have the reason that we were all in one place be different, it was still so very nice to see them. But the truth is with that comes the reality that I was there and my husband was not. The Sgt. would have given anything to get the chance to say good-bye to Grandma Schille, but that just wasn't an option in the world of military life. There is no gray area for what they consider "Family" and no gray for what they think should be most important to their soldiers.....I suppose in many ways they may have a point for so much black and white but this weekend I couldn't see it. All I could really think is that for some of our family members it's been ten years and for others it's been even longer (i.e. I had never met them) this is easy to have happen when there are 150ish people in one family. With so many people there are bound to be years from being in the same place at the same time....especially when we're barely ever in the same place for very long. So there it is the reality of knowing that for my husband many of the members of his family I had a chance to sit down, break bread with, share a few stories with, and even shed some tears with, my husband won't see, chances are for another ten years...or more. And as drained as I am by the reality of this weekend I am so much more drained from the thinking. From the putting together the realities. Drained for the understanding that comes from so many years in the military. Tonight I go to bed literally sick once again. Maybe from a yucky cold virus, maybe from the stress of this past week, or maybe just maybe I'm getting home sick all over again.